2008 Winning Nonfiction Entries

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First Place

The Name Game

By Gerry Cofield

 

Let me introduce myself. My name is Gerry, pronounced with a “hard G” as in “good” or “girl”, not like “genocide”. No big deal, right? Well, the tricky part is that I am female. So, of course everyone assumes it’s pronounced “Jerry” and I have to explain the correct pronunciation at least once every day of my life.

It’s actually quite funny to hear people’s reactions. Sometimes they tell me its okay- as if I need their approval to carry the name I was given at birth. Sometimes they feel the need to give me examples of other people they know with gender-bending names like their friend Toni (a girl) or their brother Lesley (a guy) or the lady that checked them out at the supermarket whose nametag said Johnnie. When I lived in the city some people would look me up and down as if to ask whether I’d been born female or made that change recently. I just let them wonder.

The questions are the most entertaining. My favorite is ‘did your parents want a boy?’ I find that one a bit rude and sometimes I ask if their parents wanted a boy (if they’re male) or a girl (if they’re female). Then I tell them I would have been named Robert after my father if I’d been a boy. Seriously, that’s what my mom said. Another is ‘is that short for Geraldine or something?’ Well, I believe that would still be pronounced “Jerry” and what could Gerry be short for anyway?

Children are the worst. The smaller ones are convinced I’m lying because the only people they know with my name are male and therefore all Gerry’s must be male. The adolescent ones are sometimes pretty mean. How should I react to that? No one likes it if you’re mean back to their kid (and somehow they always find out). Teen-agers are surprisingly cool about it, like it’s almost hippie-chic or something.

I’m a customer service representative so I usually answer the phone, “Thank you for calling, my name is Gerry. How can I help you?” This is problematic on several levels. Callers don’t know whether they heard me correctly and sometimes assume I’m Kerry or Mary. Or, they think maybe I’m a very effeminate guy, which can be off-putting for many people. Sometimes they think I’m messing with them or just get altogether confused and stammer unintelligibly. Now I try a pre-emptive strike by adding “yep, I’m a girl with a guy’s name” with a smile in my voice as if it should be amusing. This just brings on the questions and comments mentioned earlier.

In high school I started spelling my name “Geri”. I thought maybe people would understand it better, but they didn’t. When I was an adolescent my family added my middle name into the mix- Gerry Lynn. This was popular in the South (think Betty Sue and Mary Lou) and, as I understand it, in some Catholic families (as in Mary Margaret, Mary Elizabeth, Mary Frances, Mary Catherine- you get it). But, I just wasn’t “Gerry Lynn” and unfortunately some members of my extended family couldn’t let it go and still refer to me by this obnoxious misnomer.

I get a lot of mail addressed to “Mr. Gerry Cofield” or, my personal favorite, “Gerald Cofield”. Usually they want to sell me something. This saves me money because the mailer goes directly into the recycle bin. Also, I know when a telemarketer calls because they typically ask for Mr. or Jerry. This saves both of us some time since I just hang up.

Sometimes my name makes dating difficult because a lot of men form some sort of instant distrust or infer that I must be a lesbian. Some guys can’t handle explaining or defending the name to their friends and family. This just helps to weed out the weak and the ignorant. Once I dated a guy named Dayna and that was pretty fun.

My name makes it easy to have male friends because they allow their wives or girlfriends to assume I’m a man. So, it’s simple for them to get by with saying “I’m going to hang out with Gerry.” On the other hand, I’ve had to actually show my drivers license to some friend’s husbands or boyfriends.

There are good things about my name. People tend to remember it and, therefore, are more likely to remember me (maybe this isn’t always good). Also, I learned to spell my name when I was only two because people always followed “what’s your name” to me with “how do you spell that” to my mom or dad. I was a clever child and figured I’d save my parents the trouble by following the word with the spelling. This got me labeled a “genius” early on by some. Unfortunately, that’s proven a difficult standard to keep up with through the years.

Sometimes I get associated with Johnny Cash’s old song “A Boy Named Sue”. This is cool because I love Johnny Cash and because the character in the song kicks ass. But, it does seem like it’d be harder to be a guy with a traditionally female name than a girl with a traditionally male name.

My mom recently heard me sigh deeply as I explained my name yet again and got a worried look on her face. “Do you hate your name? I should have named you something else, shouldn’t I?” Honestly, I did like my grandmother’s suggestion of Geralyn (rhymes with Marilyn) but I realize it’s too late for regrets. I told mom I can’t think of another name that suits me and I’m honored to have a family name.

She named me after her younger brother who died when he was 17 and she was 20. So, I am named for a wonderful person who is deeply missed with a name originally picked by my grandmother. I like to think they are both watching over me, probably laughing frequently. For the record, I really do like my name. And if you have a problem with that, let me sing you a song about a boy name Sue.

 

Second Place

Broken Levees, Broken Lives

By Michael Groetsch

I wake and stare at the digital clock that pulsates on the nightstand. It is 5:55 in the morning and my wife Barbara lies sleeping beside me. For a moment, just a moment, I imagine that I’m lying warm in my bed at home. I gather my thoughts, however, to the reality that we are still in a small hotel room surrounded by personal clutter. Our luggage, clothes, food and other necessities leave little room for movement. Our pets, Weasel, Wicket, Georgie Girl, Marilyn and Monroe who fled the storm with us seem confused by their strange surroundings. At least they are safe. Had we left them behind, they may have perished.

Within minutes, Barbara awakens and we begin to discuss our plight. It has been three days since we fled our home near New Orleans to escape the wrath of Hurricane Katrina. We left everything behind but essentials. The notion that we may not be able to return for weeks, perhaps months, is becoming frighteningly apparent. We may not be allowed home for Christmas. We may no longer have a home. The thought of living in such uncertainty is daunting. The realization that the storm has changed our lives forever careens through my thoughts like a speeding freight train. But we are not alone in our plight. Millions of storm refuges throughout the southern coastline share our questionable fate.

We may be considered among the lucky ones. While our family shares the comforts of a nice hotel, other evacuees sleep in truck stops, rest areas, and open spaces. In cities like New Orleans, Bay St. Louis, Gulfport, and Biloxi, many victims no longer have the ability to feel pain. They have been found bloated and floating in the floodwaters of Katrina. Others lie decaying within piles of storm debris soon to be unearthed. Governor Haley of Mississippi currently places the number of fatalities in his state at 110. Nearly three-dozen residents are said to have perished in a beachfront complex. Only time will reveal the truth. Logic suggests that the death toll in Mississippi will be much higher. The dead can’t speak until they are found. In a thirty-mile stretch of coastal Highway 90, it is reported that 80% of all structures have been completely destroyed. The twin bridges that cross the Bay are gone. Much of Biloxi has been reduced to nothing more than a town of concrete slabs, debris, and steps to nowhere.

It is 7:00 A.M. My son Justin and his fiancée Jessica come into our room to share dismal news. Using a computer and satellite imagery, they have determined that the new home they bought several months ago is probably flooded. An aerial view of their neighborhood shows that it is completely surrounded by water. It also reveals several uncontrolled fires in the same area. They are to be married in four months. Wedding gifts and furniture still sit in boxes waiting to be opened. It is likely that everything has been ruined. They may have to start their married life over before it even begins.

Justin and Jessica’s home is only two miles from our own. My wife and I also have several pieces of rental property in the immediate area. Our business may have been destroyed as well. Upon evacuation, it was discovered that we, like so many others, were grossly under-insured. If a levee break has occurred in our neighborhood, we are financially ruined. We will have lost everything. To determine if there is still electricity going into my neighborhood, Justin dials our home number on his cell phone and seems concerned at what he hears. I grab the phone and place it to my ear. Although my answering machine has been activated, the sound of wind and water can be heard in the background. The thought that the roof of our home may be gone is unnerving. My mind rambles to my deceased mother’s picture that sits on my desk. Why didn’t I take it with me? 

My wife and I are in our late fifties. We are too old to re-build our lives. How will we pay our bills? How will we find new jobs? Will we ever see our old friends and neighbors again? What does the future hold for my children? Will they have jobs when they return? Will they have a home? I suddenly break down as my son and wife tries to calm me. After regaining my composure, we console one another.

At 1:00 P.M., I sit in the hotel lobby to watch the afternoon news. Although the lobby is crowded with people, it seems empty. CNN reports that the conditions in New Orleans have deteriorated to Third World status. My city has become an urban Bangladesh. It has the potential to become Armageddon. Mayor Ray Nagin releases a statement that hundreds or perhaps thousands of people are dead. A professor at Louisiana State University places the potential number of fatalities in the tens of thousands. A reporter is asked to share anything positive but remains almost speechless. Another tries to describe what she sees, but breaks down into tears. Until this time I have never seen a news reporter cry. In the last two days, I’ve seen three.

While many have died in the floodwaters, some have been crushed by fallen buildings and trees uprooted by the fury of Hurricane Katrina. Others will die from a toxic gumbo brewed in water contaminated by the combination of waste, oil, garbage, and the corpses of animals and rodents. The images that I see on CNN are surreal. They are incomprehensible scenes that our worst nightmares would hesitate to reveal. It is a nightmare that is being staged in my hometown. As a news helicopter flies over the court building in which I am employed, I am astounded to see that it’s partially immersed under a sea of water.

The news cameras show thousands of people walking aimlessly through cluttered streets in search of survival. I witness men, women, and children screaming from the windows of buildings hoping to be rescued from conditions that may kill them before help arrives. The roofs of homes rise from the floodwaters like schools of sharks in search of prey. Many structures have been reduced to empty shells. So are the hearts of those caught within the midst of this calamity. As the camera from a helicopter scans an area of which I am familiar, it reveals that the city morgue is also submerged. The dead have died a second time.

A young daughter cries for help because her critically ill mother is dying from a lack of dialysis. A frail elderly man, shirtless and weak is airlifted from the balcony of a building by a black hawk helicopter. Infants are transferred from specialized medical facilities that have been reduced to primitive conditions common to MASH units in war zones. Patients with critical conditions will die. Babies with special needs may perish. Survivors and families will mourn.

A news anchor reports that civil unrest is rapidly spreading to epidemic proportions. There has been a total breakdown within the city’s infrastructure. As a result, there are no means of social control. Anarchy is rapidly becoming apparent in the streets of New Orleans. There is an unconfirmed report of an uprising in the Orleans Parish Prison that allowed inmates to escape into the shadows of city streets.  A Wal-Mart near the river has been broken into by scores of thieves who have pilfered its gun department of automatic weapons. Lawlessness within the city has become the norm. People smash the windows and doors of businesses and steal its contents. Addicts and thugs break into pharmacies and hospitals in search of drugs. One man runs from a store with a case of beer. Another dances in the street with a shopping cart filled with clothes, tennis shoes and wine. A police officer points a rifle at a man who smiles and walks away. Another officer is shot in the face as he chases a man who breaks into a nearby building. Small gangs of hoodlums stalk the troubled streets. They know that they cannot be stopped. Many are new to lawlessness. Others are seasoned veterans. Some are convicts that have nothing to lose. President Bush declares Marshall Law. I contemplate why it took so long.

A camera turns its eye on the chaos that continues to unfold on the streets. People rise from sewers in search of dry ground like rodents forced from their homes. A body bag lies on a curbside like packaged debris. Near the New Orleans Convention Center, a building often filled with festive activities, thousands of victims crowd the sidewalks and cry for help that doesn’t come. Hoards of elderly men and women bake in a heat that threatens them with dehydration. A lone nurse does everything that she can do, but without supplies and support staff, she can do little. On the outside of the Convention Center near a cargo door, two bodies sit wrapped in sun bleached blankets. One is propped up on a wheelchair with a name- tag attached to its handle. The second is bound tightly with rope and lies several feet away. A young woman, her face burned by an unforgiving sun, clutches a baby and screams that the child won’t rouse. The small body appears limp and unresponsive to prompts. Like those covered by blankets, it appears that the baby is dead.

On the high-rise Interstate that snakes through the city and around the Superdome, thousands of refugees appearing stunned and confused, stand in 95 degree heat with no where to go. Near the far side of the Interstate lies the body of an elderly man who fell victim to the elements. His corpse straddles the curb and appears as a stray dog killed by a careless motorist. He is left unattended by those who walk pass. They are focused on their own survival. They no longer have time for the dead.

The scenes on the evening news become tragically redundant. The New Orleans Yacht Club is engulfed in flames. The roof of the Superdome is peeled away like a discarded sardine can. Cars sit crushed by fallen buildings. Affluent looking people push shopping carts down littered filled streets. People are rescued by helicopter from rooftops surrounded by rapidly stagnating water. People in medical distress are transferred to medically distressed hospitals. Looters run from stores with items that belong to others. Boaters float down streets that have been reduced to rivers. People plead for help but there is no one to help them. I feel that I’m looking into the window of hell.

The repetition of such scenes, however, is overshadowed by reports that conditions are growing worse. Two levees that have been breached continue to spill waters from the gulf and lake into the city. The water levels in New Orleans are rapidly rising in neighborhoods that were thought to have survived the worst. It is estimated that 80% of the city is under water. A stiff wind blows whitecaps down the streets. Fires are raging everywhere. The city is burning and high water has made it impossible to respond.

As I turn to CBS News, they present another perspective of what Hurricane Katrina has done to our city. An aerial view of Tad Gormley Stadium, a football arena in City Park where I attended a Beatle concert in the 1960’s, resembles a giant fish bowl filled with water. The majestic oaks that surround the stadium are submerged under a sea of black murky water. The ecological devastation of our park is unimaginable. While it’s natural beauty and wildlife may emerge in someone else’s lifetime, it has forever disappeared from ours. City Park and its stadium are not the only near-by treasures that have been destroyed. Many above ground tombs, indigenous to the cemeteries of New Orleans, have also been victimized by the floodwaters. As a helicopter flies above Lake Lawn and Greenwood Cemeteries, the camera reflects a scene that seems inconceivable.  Graveyards that stretch for miles along the Interstate 10 appear to be under ten- feet of water. My mother and grandmother are buried in Greenwood. The rest of my family is buried in Lake Lawn.

In the late afternoon, Air Force One flies over New Orleans and the surrounding area to view the horrific damage. President Bush, appearing somber and affected by what he sees, states that “This is the worst national disaster in the history of the United States.” His statement is extraordinary because it has occurred both in my lifetime and in my hometown. This is New Orleans’s 9-11. It will be recorded in history books that our great grandchildren and their children’s children will never fully comprehend. Although I have read about the tragedies of other people’s lifetimes, I could not feel their pain. I feel it now. Life as we know it will never be the same.

It is nearly midnight and I am exhausted by the stress of the day. I speak by cell phone with Paul. He is a paramedic currently doing rescue work in the New Orleans area. Along with other first responders, he is currently housed in a hospital surrounded by several feet of water. As we discuss the problem of looting, he confesses that in some cases, the rescuers have become the looters. They break the windows of grocery stores and shops to survive. Food and water have become prized commodities. Earlier in the day, he tells me that he recovered three bodies lying on the lawns of their home. He tells me that he didn’t have time to find out their names.

Paul explains that levee breaks in New Orleans continue to hamper rescue efforts and people are becoming more desperate. He has been told that a nearby levee is beginning to seep water. Jefferson Parish, immediately west of New Orleans, is now threatened with catastrophic flooding. Paul tells me that evacuees who have made it out of the hardest hit areas of the city are being brought to Interstate10 for the purpose of triage. The evacuees will be placed on buses and transferred to locations in Dallas and Houston. The Governor of Texas has extended his hand and stated that “ By the grace of God, it wasn’t us.” 

After twenty-six years living in our home, every room stores a memory. It is the home in which we raised four sons. The chair in which Barbara rocked and cuddled them sits in the corner of our bedroom. It is where the intangible memories that we left behind hopefully await our return. It is where our beloved pets that passed away over the years are buried. A tombstone with our cat’s name, Bright-Eyes, marks his grave near the goldfish pond. I sat there and cried the evening before I fled the storm. Paul promises that he will try to reach us tomorrow and share the fate of our precious home. I pray that our memories have not been erased by nature like a mountainous landscape beneath volcanic ash.

It is getting very late. Barbara and I visit our sons on the first floor of the hotel. We want them to know how much they are loved. We want them to know that there is a future. After taking a brief walk with our dog Wicket, we return to our room and retire for the evening. It’s been a long day. It’s going to be a longer week. As I turn off the light and lie next to my wife, her scent provides me comfort. The white noise of the air- conditioner is soothing. Morning will come all too soon.

 

Third Place

Idols, Heroes and Ne’er-do-wells

By Thomas Lynn

 

We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit

on the curb and clap as the heroes pass by — Will Rogers

 

It is generally agreed that people as a whole can be lumped into three separate and distinct categories. Lumped, in this context, is purely a technical term that may be better understood as my words unravel before your eyes.

Humans revered by other humans for displaying near immortal qualities are often worshiped in the manner reserved for deities. Idols they are, and idols are normally held in such high esteem that ordinary folk speak of them in awe. Their very existence is frequently acknowledged in whispers for fear that the divine beings themselves may possibly overhear and somehow become displeased that the bowing and scraping might be deemed insufficient. Listed at the head of this grouping are (1) Julius Caesar for his august presence, (2) General Douglas MacArthur, because of his fierce military determination (I shall return, etc.), and (3) Elvis, first because he was the king of rock and roll and secondly just because he was Elvis. Each of these exalted personages is typical and representative of their inclusion in the idol category.

In group number two, we have heroes who are admired by mere mortals for being only slightly less than idols in adoration. For example, a real life hero was Captain Colin P. Kelly. In the early years of the Second World War, we Americans were sorely in need of a hero because both the Japanese and Germans were defeating our army and navy regularly. Captain Kelly filled our hero's requirement. For those who do not recall, he was an Army aviator who guided his critically damaged bomber through a wall of exploding antiaircraft shells and allegedly dove right down the smokestack of an enemy warship. It was an act of heroism that signaled the willingness of our combat troops to sacrifice their lives to preserve our American freedom and to avenge the backstabbing sneak attack upon Pearl Harbor. Captain Kelly thus joined a list of other heroes that included John Paul Jones (Don't Give Up The Ship) and Babe Ruth (the Sultan of Swat), among others.

Whenever the world is topsy turvy and the bad guys seem to outnumber those wearing the white hats, someone always steps forward to take charge. He is the hero of the moment for righting the wrongs and returning the world to its former rightful place. He has restored the proper balance of good guys to bad guys, and we accordingly pay homage to him. The pages of history are filled with the names of many idols and heroes. Great poetry and literary themes have been created to exalt the bravery of their legendary feats.

This worshiping business, however, lasts for about as long as it takes for the bad guys to muster their forces and oust the latest idol or hero from his precarious ivory pedestal. It then becomes necessary for someone else to exert command and leap to the forefront so the good guys will once more prevail.

There isn't enough writing space available here to include all of the idols and heroes who have been around since The Beginning, so I only mentioned my personal favorites. Those who disagree can borrow pencil and paper and compile their own list. Besides, I'm sure it's been noticed that we haven't yet touched on the third and probably most influential group.

The ne’er-do-wells!

Or course idols and heroes are important. We look to them for inspiration although only a relative few of us can honestly aspire to follow their examples. It’s true that we tell ourselves we want to be a great hero, and some day a bronze statue will be sculpted in our own likeness. We can dream of doing brave and courageous deeds and seeing our photos on boxes of cereal when we grow up. But what are the chances of such things ever happening?

At the other end of the spectrum are those somewhat ordinary beings who, never in a lifetime, could hope to gain recognition in either of the first two groups. They are scamps, scalawags, rogues, rascals and scoundrels. Ne'er-do-wells they are. Likable and endearing as they may appear, they are neither idol nor hero. For various reasons, they fall shy of being either, primarily due to their recognition that manual labor might possibly be involved.

Everyone has the potential to become a member of this latter group. Motivation is not necessary to maintain earnest control over watching one's P's and Q's. If a person, any person, succeeds in undesirable conduct just part of the time, he or she qualifies as a ne'er-do-well. Candidates for this group make it a personal project not to demonstrate any desirable traits more than once in a given day. The reasoning here is that any more than minimum action would constitute sufficient effort on their part.

I remember Ashwood Chamberlain, a high school classmate. Ash was tall and thin with eyeglasses balanced on the end of his nose. Everyone marked him for a future history or math teacher. He was an imposing figure but his voice was not unlike the sound of chalk screeching across a blackboard.

Ash had eyes for Honey Bun Singletary, the sweetheart of the sophomore class. He ogled every movement of her sultry body when she stood to recite The Tale of Hiawatha. Honey Bun put everything she had into it and when she described the flight of the albatross, old Ash fell flat out of his chair. He once followed her to the girl’s gym class and when he tried to sneak in, was set upon and roundly punished by three indignant varsity football players who were there for the same reason.

A more famous ne’er-do-well was the legendary King Midas of Phrygia, whose greed turned even his food into gold. Then, of course, we all know about Huckleberry Finn, a literary rapscallion created by Sam Clemons in his guise of Mark Twain. Finally, we may point to the poet Lord Byron who was lonely, rebellious, brooding and notorious for his romantic escapades and unconventional lifestyle. He himself said it best.

Fare thee well! And if forever,

Still forever, fare thee well;

Even though unforgiving, never

‘Gainst thee shall my heart rebel.

Would that breast were bared before thee

Where thy head so oft hath lain,

While that placid sleep came o’er thee

Which thou ne’er canst know again:

Would that breast, by thee glanced over,

Every inmost thought could show!

Then thou wouldst at last discover

‘Twas not well to spurn it so.

 

There you have it — idols, heroes or the other — and whatever grouping finds you yearning, longing for a place to rest, one would hope that by life’s learning, you may find whate’er is best.

Please forgive the poetic rambling — I do get carried away frequently.

 

Honorable Mention

Gracie, Where are You?

By Laura Evans

 

Gracie and I haven't seen each other for over fifty years, but current events have brought to mind once more the hope we shared so long ago.

She and I entered the ninth grade at our high school the same year, 1942 - I, from even a smaller rural Southern grammar school, she, from New Jersey. The student body at that time was small, homogenous, and rural, with an occasional "outsider" - like Gracie - coming in.

Gracie was of German descent, not especially attractive physically but outgoing, friendly, and intelligent. The first characteristic one noticed about her, perhaps, was her clear, crisp, un-Southern accent. She entertained us with stories about corning south through Appalachia with condescending incredulity at the "hillbillies" they encountered along the way. Those of us whom she and her father had moved in among fared little better, we would discover, than the hillbillies of Appalachia. A cheerful lightness of tone kept her sense of superiority about our benighted society from being overbearing. She was well-liked and readily accepted by everyone. No one, as far as I know, ever asked her why she and her father, if they found the South so backward and unenlightened, had come to Mississippi to live. Very few of us, I'm afraid, were accustomed to asking why about anything.

I became friends with her probably because she was different from us and I was always interested in "different." I was taken by the scope of her knowledge; by her un-self-consciousness about expressing her views, many of which most, if not all, Southern girls never thought about; by her sense of humor that had a slight cutting edge, and her quick repartees.

Because we were friends, I suppose, she asked me one morning at school if I’d go to the post office with her at noon. I sensed, from her demeanor, that something unusual had happened, something secretive and, to me, mysterious. The post office was a 1ong walk from the school, and along the way, after swearing me to secrecy, she told me that her mother had been unfaithful to her father and he had brought them South to keep her away from her mother. Now her mother had obviously located them and had written her a letter which Gracie was now going to the post office to claim. I knew then why they had come to our county and were living in a very small house back off the highway.

Though Gracie disparaged Southerners and Southern culture, it so happened that we agreed on at least one Southern issue: Segregation. We both believed that racial segregation was wrong. For me, it was an innate conviction, not prompted by any particular event or happening ... unless it had been my father singing to me night after night as he rocked me to sleep: "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world." I had always believed that segregation was wrong. Where Gracie's conviction came from, I don't know. She called herself an atheist, and I found it strange, inconceivable, that here was an atheist who believed that segregation was wrong while all the Christians I knew, including my own family, never questioned it.

In the early forties, when Gracie and I were friends, segregation was not a political issue. It was a fact of life that everyone I knew accepted. It was not talked about. While I knew it was wrong, I could not discuss my beliefs about this issue with anyone ... until I discovered that Gracie and I felt the same way about this practice. We talked about it.

We were young and idealistic ... and naive; but at least we knew there was something rotten in the South and in Mississippi; and we wanted to help change the way things were. Sometime during those high school years we decided what we could do to help remove this evil of segregation with its injustices. She would become principal of the largest high school in the county and work for change through the school system; I would become editor of the local weekly newspaper and use it sis an instrument of change.

Soon after high school we went to Washington, though not at the same time, to work for the War Department. After the war, we went separate ways, both of us going to different colleges and soon losing contact with each other.

Of course, she didn't become principal and I didn't become editor. I'm sure that neither Gracie nor I, in our young, idealistic minds, ever imagined the battles, the bloodshed, the horror that would usher in the change for which we hoped. But it has come; the change has come. And when I think about it, I always think of Gracie, and I always wonder: "Gracie, where are you?"

 

Honorable Mention

She Had Me From Hello

By Michael Groetsch

 

The first time that I saw her in 1957, I thought that I had entered a dream.  As Dad slowly drove our canary-yellow Buick convertible onto North Beach Boulevard, I couldn’t help but notice her from a distance. Driving along the road that straddled the white sandy beach of the Bay provoked my sense of urgency to get to know her.  Sitting in the back of the car with a glistering sun beaming on my boyish shoulders, my eyes scanned the nearby shoreline in hopes that I could get another glimpse. Turning off the beach road that led to the small bungalow where we would spend our summer, I felt entranced by her presence. At that moment my mind’s eye took a snapshot that I would treasure for a lifetime.

Although my two brothers and I shared a bedroom in the summer cottage, I made no mention of the feelings that I had about seeing her. They would make fun of me. They would not understand. While emptying my suitcase, I removed everything except my shoes and shirts. They were not needed until I returned to New Orleans in June. Placing my remaining clothes into the top drawer of an old dresser, the strange but pleasant odor of mothballs suggested the long absence of part-time vacationers.

Shirtless and shoeless, I quickly bolted through the green-trimmed screen door that led from our bedroom to a long L-shaped porch. A ceiling swing hung at its end as an enticement to sit and enjoy the early scent of summer. The echo of my bare feet running along the thick wooden planks however, announced my haste to return to the beach where I could get a closer look.  Without sharing my intentions, I jumped on my red bike with its high angel wing handlebars and pedaled towards the shoreline where she was first sighted.

Arriving near the public pier, the smell of tar that covered its pilings was a reminder that summer was in its infancy. I rested my bike against a large barnacle- crusted tree trunk that had floated onto the shoreline. As I stood barefoot on the hot sand, I watched tiny sea crabs playing hide and seek in the small crevices of water logged beams that supported the pier. Looking first to my right and then quickly to my left, my eyes once again fell upon her beauty.  

Her stunning presence was something that I had only seen in late night movies. With the bright sun and bluish- sky as a backdrop, she appeared as a portrait that I once saw gracing the foyer of an antebellum mansion. There was absolutely no one like her back home. Although I was an impressionable young boy, there was little doubt that my feelings were more than infatuation. If only I could get to know and spend time with her, I convinced myself that we could become soul mates; perhaps even lovers.  From the moment that my eyes fell upon her, I became enthralled by her glamour. During that first trip to the Bay, I had no way of knowing that we were destined to spend a secret life together that few people would fully comprehend.

As the years passed, my passion for her grew more intense. I can’t recall exactly when or how it happened, but in the latter part of that first summer, I got to know her in a very special way.  Although she was much older then I, it made no difference. Like the young boy seduced by the woman in the movie, The Summer of ’42, she taught me to explore aspects of my adolescence that I did not fully understand. For nine months of each year, I yearned for her presence. The three months of each summer that I spent with her brought me a sense of oneness. Her allure was more than skin deep. With age, she became more elegant. Her lifelines made her more attractive.

But as I aged, and for reasons I do not understand, we seemed to grow apart. While she was only seventy- miles from where I would eventually settle, for years I made no contact. It was my choice, not hers. She always remained available to me. Perhaps it was the responsibilities that I had assumed as an adult that kept me away. Perhaps I sought to store away those early summers of my life like precious heirlooms from another era. Perhaps I wanted to recall our early life together like a print by Kinkade or a symphony by Mozart.

Although happily married, I began to realize that my passion and love for her had never waned. On a warm breezy day in the spring of 2003, I drove to the Bay in hopes of rekindling our intimate affair. I went alone. My family would never understand. As I walked down North Beach Boulevard, I thought I heard her whisper through the winds of our past. Her voice seemed to beckon for me to come closer. Nearly five decades had passed but I never forgot her exquisite grace. Fortunately for me, she was still there. Without a sense of guilt, I spent the day with her and allowed my soul to meander to a place that I’ve never been. I whispered that before I died, I would implore my wife to scatter my ashes on the white sandy beach of the Bay.

In the fall of 2005, eight weeks after Hurricane Katrina’s frenzied visit, I found myself cuddled within the bosom of my special love. I met her at the cottage where I spent the summers of my past. With my body sprawled across the bed, I felt captivated by her ageless beauty and soft caress.  She brought me to the edge, then shadowed me as I quivered and slowly regained my presence. As a cool and crisp October breeze swept through the screen porch and into the bedroom where I lay, she reminded me that although we count our lives in years, we measure them in seasons. She assured me that while she appeared frail and weak from the force of nature, her flowers of spring, white sandy beaches, and the presence of families sharing a warm summer sun would always reflect her true essence. Although Katrina had left her lame, it was evident that her heart still thrived on Main Street. As we shared another precious moment, she promised that she would never leave. She reassured me that she would never go away again.

My wife has come to know and understand the need for my distant relationship. It’s been several years since I confessed to her about my secret affair. She has accepted that I am torn between two lovers. She has willingly agreed to share my ashes when I am gone. My wife knows that the visits I make to the Bay will not reduce our relationship. It actually makes it more intense.

My affair on the coast since those early summers of my youth has not been with a woman. My deep relationship has been with a place. From that first summer when I walked shoeless and shirtless down her narrow tree-lined streets, I was seduced and fell in love with the quaint coastal town of Bay St. Louis. From the time that Dad drove our Buick onto the beach road, I became consumed by the splendor of the Bay. From the moment that I saw her, she had me from hello

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